That's on you

When I need help, I don't get a hand from you so what makes
you think that when my hands are full that I'll be able to help you?

Cyber bully

I feel like I am always getting bully
thanks to social media. Cyber bully.

Mostly from supposedly related family members.

It's never a direct attack most of the time
but they make it noticeable enough
so that you know who they are talking to
but you can't get offended
because no name was not mentioned.

At first I thought it would be okay
to do the same thing back
but I've realized that my thought was
very immature and stupid.

"Treat others how you want to be treated."

The only time someone don't like you
is because you're happy and they aren't.
They want what you have but can't.

What comes first?

When loving yourself but will disappoint the people around you is at risk, what do you do and what comes first?

Is being patient and having the bigger heart the best thing to do even when it kills you inside out?

It's hard to be transparent sometimes. Growing up and becoming an adult can be so difficult.

Loving yourself so you can love others. If those people love you, they won't stay disappointed in you forever. The people that love you will always come around. Those that don't, don't matter to you anyways.

First sibling fight

Girls are just so much more dramatic and maybe sensitive?

I say something that might have offended you so you say something
that will offend me too.

Everyone has their own opinions.
Yours will differ from my.
We all talk because we have mouths.

Just because you think your opinion is "correct" or right doesn't mean
anything to other people. Your opinion is nothing but yours.
It doesn't mean anything to other people except yourself.

Being inspire by others

Sometimes I need to see other people do things to inspire me because I've lost sight.

My husband married me for who I am but here I am trying so hard to change who I really am to please other people.

I've come to learn the hard way that it doesn't matter what you do. People will never be satisfy. People will always judge you. People will always talk. 10 right goes unnoticed but one wrong does. I should have never try to change who I am.

They say to fake it until you make it. That doesn't have to apply to everything literally. Lesson learned.

Agreeing only because I can't disagree

This weekend is Sea Game.
Sea Game in general is a boring event for me.
I don't care for the sports or the entertainment.

Since I'm home every day I wanted to go out and do something.
Sea Game was the perfect excuse to go out of town.

I might take staying home for granted, I don't know.
He didn't want to go because his side of the story is different.

I mean, I get it. He works hard and needs downtime.
Since he work Monday through Friday
he enjoys doing nothing at home on the weekend.
I on the other hand stays home every day
so I want to do something when he's home on the weekend.

You see our problem here?

He doesn't understand why I would want to go to such
a boring event in another town especially when he knows I don't care for it.

I guess I only agree to stay home because I really couldn't disagree.
I really don't care for the event. If I didn't why would I go?

So I ended up staying home with him.

Mood

I had planned in advance to travel to Fresno and
spend a particular weekend with my parents/family.

Out of nowhere my father-in-law tells my husband and I that
we are attending a wedding the same week, just 2 days before the event.

Are you serious?

We ended up attending the wedding
and canceling my original plan to go visit my family.

Like the saying goes

"Parents will age and die,
Children will grow and go their separate ways,
but your spouse will be the one to go through
thick and thin with you. Live with you until you age and die.

but then there goes the saying

"You can find another wife but
you won't be able to find another set of parents"

So there goes my happy mood.

Sister-in-law

I've heard my brother say to my sister-in-law in the past

"Pa Houa is going to get marry one day. This isn't her real home.
It is yours and will be yours so you are responsible to take care of it."

~~~~~

The sister-in-law can sleep in
but the daughter-in-law can't.
Sleeping in is considered lazy
when done by the daughter-in-law.

The sister-in-law doesn't have to cook dinner
but the daughter-in-law have to because
it is her responsibility.

The sister-in-law can go out for days and nights
but the daughter-in-law can't even go to the mall for a couple of hours.
She might go cheat or guys might try to hit on her.

The sister-in-laws can wear short-shorts and dresses
but the daughter-in-law must wear pants and cover up.
It doesn't look good for the father-in-law.
It is disrespectful to show the collar bone or bare legs.

~~~~~

Now I understand.

Missing out

The struggles of trying to be in two places at one time.

An example would be Mother's Day.
My family celebrate Mother's Day on the actual day.
My in-laws also celebrate on the same day.
Since my family lives about 2 hours away
I can't quickly celebrate with one then run to the other.

Babysitting

At first it was cool because I didn't have a life.
My life was full of joy being surrounded
by the laughter and cries of babies.
It made my long day short
and my weekday goes by faster to the weekend.

However, it has come to the time
where life just got real. No more running in the fields
carefree and wild with no responsibilities.

I need complete silence to focus on my study
and I want to rest when I'm home from work.

Some days I get so frustrated because I can't study for an exam.
Other days I cry because the responsibilities of a daughter-in-law,
a wife and an aunt to two kids are just too much to carry.

One major thing that makes me want to pull out my hair is the neighbors.
I dislike how they let their kids run naked in the front yard.
They don't come out to supervise their kids.
Their kids would run and scream which seems like a loud speaker on full blast.

I put aside my responsibilities to focus on the kids.
I don't self care and caged myself up in a box without realizing.
My husband tells me that I don't need to put that responsiblity on myself
but it's just how I am. I just can't ignore it, or at least ignore it completely.

Working Update

Got hired last week and
started working this week.
Three days of work so far.

I'm trying to get at least 8 hours of sleep
but since my husband doesn't sleep early
I can't seem to fall asleep either.
The light is either too bright
or whatever he's doing is loud
even though it really isn't I'm sensitive to it
and it keeps me up.

Because of this situation,
I finally understand why my husband complained
that I need to sleep when he works early the next day.
Before I worked, I was selfish and didn't think about
how he feels or what he thinks.
If I wasn't tired I just wouldn't sleep and
continue to do my things onto the night.

Working

I'm super excited because I just got hired!
I should be working any day now as a substitute teacher.

I'm going to try and work everyday if possible.
Finally I won't be living off my husband.
I can pay my own bills.
I can spoil myself.
I can help out around the house.
So many things to do.

What to do?

My dad is sick but I can't go visit him by myself.
Yog ib tug nyab lawm ces tos tus txiv xwb.
I just heard that he's very sick and was taken to the hospital.

Dinner

Yesterday I was trying to cook dinner
but my father-in-law was also cooking dinner.
I boil the veggies and he helped me checked it.
I bbq the meat and he helped me flipped it.
Is he just showing me how to do it correctly
or does he want to cook dinner by himself?
I told my husband later when he got home from work
that I just stop cooking dinner because I felt weird.

Baby Blues

I've been feeling light pressure from almost everyone around me.
Loved ones, friends, and families.
It's almost a year since I got marry.
People don't need to tell me to have a baby.
I kind of want one anyways, I mean I plan to have kids of my own.
My husband doesn't want to have one yet because
He thinks I only want one now because I'm bored.
I mean, that could be a reason.
I'm 25 years old. I think it's time to have my first kid.
I only want like 2 to 3 max. Okay maybe 4.
I don't want my first kid at 30.
I was hoping not to have anymore after 40 years old.