I'm on my 30 day chicken diet.
I am experiencing a slight postpartum depression.
I don't feel like talking to anyone so I'll just write them here.
First off
I miss my mom tremendously.
I think back to how she treated me when I lived with her.
She was so strict and mean to me.
I felt like I had to be the good daughter.
I felt that I couldn't really be me.
But at the end she loves me unconditionally.
She does what she thought would be good for me long term.
I get it, I see it now.
If she was here she would cook for me,
care for me and my baby.
She would lecture me because I let my food get cold
or that I need to stop walking around and go lay down.
She would lecture me for not wrapping my stomach or that
I'm too lazy and need to breastfeed my baby.
I feel so alone and sad. I guess I'm getting a slight feel of how
she felt when I left to go get marry. The feeling sucks.
~~~~
My father-in-law is a great person but he can't replace my mom,
for obvious reasons. I don't blame him and I'm super thankful
that he is there for me when I can't help myself.
I know my mother-in-law loves me. The only downfall is that she
works and couldn't be there for me literally.
Regarding my in-laws, it's not their fault they don't know how I feel.
I pushed a baby out of me a few weeks ago.
It's been a month but I'm still in a lot of pain and bleeding.
I can't walk properly from my room to the kitchen.
I can't eat because my gums hurt which means no strength.
While they sleep they hear my baby cry but
I'm the one who's up 3-4 times during the night.
All of that, is no one but my responsibility as a new mom.
I don't blame anyone.
My husband.
He is there for me 24/7 or at least tries to be there for me.
He tries to understand what I am going through or how I am feeling.
I don't know why I'm not satisfy.
He doesn't fill that emptiness in my heart.
At night I go to bed feeling like I sleep in a California king bed.
So much to say but can't say much at all.
