Random Thoughts On Chialia

 What is going on with Chialia?

    She was so excited for gymnastics but lately has been saying that she no longer wants to go. I know she probably does not understand that even though we are struggling financially we still supported her in whatever she wanted to do. Unfortunately, I can see her gymnastics journey coming to an end. Maybe quitting gymnastics now will open other opportunities for her, who knows? Her Dad feels that she is just bored and needs a new challenge but I think her heart, mind, and soul is not all in. However, I do think she has potential and the skills. She can go far when she sets her mind on it but if she can't motivate herself no one else can.

    If I had to be honest, I do get annoyed taking her to gymnastics sometimes. Seeing her is not the annoying part, that is actually my favorite part. Being able to see her grow each week is amazing but their lobby sucks big time. There are too many blind spots and no personal space. The place overall is just crowded. Another annoying thing is that the location is too far. I don't go to my gym because of the traveling distance but Chialia's gym is even further! Lastly, Gaohnou is a handful. I'm not going to lie. I two face sometimes which makes me uncomfortable with myself. I know my parenting style is definitely different from all the moms there. I guess at the end, if she decides she no longer is interested it's best we don't waste our time, energy, and money.

    Kindergarten is quickly coming to an end. Chialia has no idea what she is getting herself into. I mean, how could she right? Even I did not understand when I was her age and she is probably smarter than I was. She's excited for first grade but does not know that it comes with more responsibilities like homework, projects, grades, etc. She cannot just come home from school and be on her tablet for hours anymore. I hope she'll continue to enjoy learning new vocabularies and math problems. I just hope after first grade she'll continue to like school. 

    Sadly she did not get student of the month this year. I doubt she'll get student of the year but on a serious note, why am I expecting so much from her when I, myself never really got any awards either? The award/awards does not give more value to her as an individual. I was just hoping that the award/awards would encourage her to continue to do good in school or at least wanting to continue doing well in school. Because she went to preschool twice, I already knew how she was. I guess I had hoped she would get better but maybe first grade will test that theory out.     

    

Old Soul

 A thought came to me this morning. 

My husband and I were having somewhat of a conversation. Him quickly logging off his work computer while I did most of the talking. Him nodding his head and acknowledging my conversation but then quickly walks out of the room and as quick as he was out he was in before I even finish my sentence. A bowl of cereal in his hand and chewing away like a hungry child starving all day.

I turned to him and said, "the way you chew...the sound of your spoon hitting your bowl...it's annoying me".

He then stops chewing and seems to finally swallow his mouthful of cereal. Afterward he said to me "This is why both your girls are sensitive to sound. You don't like noise. For example, when you listen to music you only listen to calm music and even have it turned down".

Obviously I responded back quickly like a child trying to prove my innocence saying "that's not true. I listen to loud music too."

At this point he walked out of the room leaving me in my thoughts. "Did I offend him? Was I too harsh?"

After a minute or two of silence to myself, I walked out of the room to apologized. I didn't mean to be rude, I was just pointing it out to him if he didn't noticed how loud he was being. I told him I know why he came into the room to eat his cereal. I was the rude person because I kept talking to him even though I knew he was working. He was just trying to not be rude to me. How funny is that?

And yes, I guess I am an old soul. I don't enjoy loud music in the morning or during the night when I'm in bed. I get annoyed when it's 2 am and the neighbors have their music on blast. I get annoyed when I hear my mother-in-law banging the pots in the morning. I don't like loud voices in the hall when I'm trying to enjoy a movie on Netflix on my phone. I like peace and quiet. The sound of rain fall is the right volume of noise and the tapping sound on my keyboard is like music to my ears. This is my peace. This is my joy. The quietness is beautiful.

And he is right. My girls are like me after all. There are times when loud music and loud noise is okay but I enjoy the peace more.

It takes a love one to tell and it takes time for one to accept themselves to truly become a happier person or a person that is content. I am content knowing I'm okay being a person that enjoys the mostly quiet life.

A Mother's Joy

 Before I start this blog, I want to say "Thank-you" to our cousins. Thank-you Jenny for always answering all our questions and for always being there for us. Also, Thank-you to IToua and Yer for encouraging us to enrolled Chialia at Paradise Elementary School. Without your families, we probably wouldn't get the opportunity to even be considered. Seng and I will always be thankful to have each and every one of you in our lives and we feel truly blessed.

Chialia is attending Paradise Elementary School! Yay!

During the interview with Mr. Thomson; the school principal, 

I was probably more nervous than Chialia.

First impression, he seems like a nice guy so I look forward to working with him 

for the next couple of decades.

Orientation was nice. 

I liked how I was able to join my orientation with Jenny and her daughter.

Chialia was kept busy with Genevieve while Jenny and I talked to Mrs. White; the kindergarten teacher.

My first impression of Mrs. White was good.

She looks experienced and confident.

I can see the passion in her eyes for what she does.

I want Chialia to have teachers that are willing to learn with their students.

Teachers are humans which means they are not perfect.

Every year they will encounter new challenges and 

she seems like the type that will take anything head on.

I trust that Mrs. White will give Chialia the best kindergarten experience 

while challenging her to be the best that she can be.

First day of school was nice.

Seng was able to get the day off and we both walked Chialia to class.

I'm thankful to have a husband that wants to be and takes part of their children's lives.

He goes out of his way to be there and for that I truly am a happy wife and mom

because I know I have the best husband and father for our children.

My joy as a mother is to see my children humbly happy in life.

Weather it's being able to walk before 1 year old,

being potty trained at 2 years old,

getting student of the months all year,

4.0 GPA in high school,

graduating college with honors,

working their dream career,

or become a stay at home parent

as long as they are happy in whatever they do

then that too will also be my joy.

"I promise to always be supportive and understanding."

Lastly to Chialia; my baby.

"You make me so proud and

I am happy that you are my child.

Thank-you for making my smile a little bigger

and for the continuous warmth in my heart.

I love you with all my heart and soul."

Take a deep breath

Happy Tuesday!

I hope you're all handling the triple digit heat well. I know those bills will be coming in high but we will get through this together like how we do every year! Try to enjoy the warm air and the hot burning sun because summer will only last so long before Fall arrives.

I am thankful to have a roof over my head, a comfortable bed, beautiful clothing on my body, healthy children and husband, and the privilege to be able to afford luxury food whenever I want.

I'm going to take a deep breath because whatever I am going through now will pass and shall pass. I can do it!

I know I'm annoyed or would it be irritated, but I also have to try to be understanding of others too because I know I am the better person. I think no one, or at least I want to believe that no one wants to be in this situation either. 

I want to believe that we are all good people and that we are trying our best to not let our burden fall onto others or have others take responsibilities when it is not theirs.

I'm going to take a deep breath. This feeling I have now is temporary. This feeling I am feeling is a dark hole trying to swallow me whole but I know I am mentally stronger than that dark void. 

Thank you for dropping by and reading. Have a wonderful rest of your day and remember to take a deep breath whenever you feel like you're also overwhelmed. It will pass.

Favorite Grandchildren

Favoring overall is human nature.

Having bias is normal.

As a mom of two children,

I am trying my best to give my girls equity.

I've always been honest about how I feel.

I love my girls differently base on their

personal needs and their own individual person.

I do not love them equally because you cannot

love them equal when they both have different needs and wants.

Just recently I found out something that have opened my eyes.

I would say it has made me realized how important

my children's and my worth is as a human being to certain people.

Mindfullness

My eldest daughter's 7th birthday just recently passed.

Things that I've learned so far as a Nyab or just a human being:

1. Mind the people that matter,

2. Ignore those that don't.

3. Love myself, prioritize myself and my family.

4. Avoid negative people.

5. Think positive and look only at my goals.

6. Address before I stress.

7. Be patient and kind.

8. Always be true to myself and never try to satisfy anyone.

9. Eat well, sleep well, and grow.

10. No one loves me more than I love myself (maybe except my mom).